“Hmm”

It’s all about the journey,
from the first cry to the last silence
Nothing is definite,
nothing is certain
Everything and everyone,
is writing in the sand

Stop trying to cage and capture,
stop trying to pursue
Your vividest dreams
Your dearest wishes
Your unbridled desires
Your mirages and illusions

Let them flow freely,
like the fresh mountain spring
The water free and happy,
choosing it’s own path

Like the silent wind,
caressing you gently
Whispering stories in your ear,
while passing by

Like the nostalgic fragrances,
of your loved ones
Triggering sweet memories,
taking you down the memory lane

Nostalgia is sweet,
it brings solace even
But nostalgia is sour,
Regrets make it so

Stop being constipated,
in your communication
In the expression of emotions
In spreading happiness,
all around you

Perhaps unknowingly but still,
you might just be killing someone
Slowly but surely,
squeezing out hope
drop by drop

That’s the soul…
Dying..!!!

“A Brief Anatomy Of Grief”

“A Brief Anatomy Of Grief”

Grieving relentless tears,
boiling up within
Like a gathering tide,
slapping against the sea wall
But cry them tears, I couldn’t
Drowning in a sorrow,
bigger than the very heart
trying to hold it within

“Life Is A Pursuit Of Butterflies”

“Life Is A Pursuit Of Butterflies”

Same old roads,
but somehow the journey feels new
Same old pages,
but somehow the story is revitalized

Slight changes and twists,
invigorating the soul
Daring to dream and wish,
opening the can of worms of desire

Life again feeling generous
Drawing me in for a walk,
into her garden
Through a sea of flowers

Struggling Caterpillars,
Taking a stance…
Refusing to give up
Becoming beautiful Butterflies…

Now leading me on to dear life…
I could, and probably,
I should… stop, show constraint,
But who am I to say “no”..??

“I Long and I Wonder”

“I Long and I Wonder”

I can’t find words,
l lost my voice too
Reaching out is scary,
so is baring my soul

 

Otherwise…
With every hopeful ounce of my being,
I want to see Her…
Her smile, Her Eyes, Her Face,
Her playing with her hair

 

See Her,
from top to toe
Listen to Her…
Her voice and Her giggles,

 

Talk to Her…
mornings, days and nights
So, so much,
that it hurts
Deep inside,
where it hurts the most

 

Love comes in all shapes and forms
But it hurts equally… Regardless..!!

 

“Love After Love”

“Love After Love”

I am a very old iceberg,
but your presence in my life,
makes me melt;
I melt into feelings,
I had not felt for long
I was living with the cards,
life had dealt me since long
Life was over for sure,
at least that’s how I felt;
But then you made me realize;

Just like life after death…
There is of course…

love after love..!!

“Lovesick”

“Lovesick”

For Her and for Her alone,
I would have done anything


Only a few men are like that,
and only a few loves too


Demanding and all consuming,
even the last of us

The heart feels,
like an overcrowded lifeboat


You throw overboard your pride,
trying to keep it afloat,


then you throw away your self-respect
and your independence too

A time comes,
you start throwing people out,
your friends, everyone


And still,
It’s just not enough

The lifeboat is still sinking,
taking you down with it


Seen that happening too often,


To too many innocent people,
too many simple honest souls

I think…
I’m sick of love


Or
Am I just love sick..??


I wonder..!!

“The Ultimate Oxymoron”

“The Ultimate Oxymoron”

I was just passing through…
Without a purpose
Without a goal…
 
Then I met You…
And with that…
I found a reason to live…
 
Oxymoronic it might sound…
But I tell You…
A reason to live…
Is always…
Worth dying for..!!

“The Dilemma”

 

“The Dilemma”

Loving someone you can’t forgive…
That’s bad…

 

But still…
Loving someone you can’t have…
That’s worse..!!

 

Fate always gives you two choices…
The one you should take,
and the one…
you choose to take.

 

A fool’s mistake for sure…
Being alone with someone
You never should have loved.

 
 

“A Bond Of Pain And Love”

“A Bond Of Pain And Love”
 
Caressing her gently,
holding her safely,
I bring her to my lips
Like a long lost friend
longing for my touch,
she clings to my kiss
 
 
Lighting a match of desire,
I wrap her in flames
I kiss her again,
ignoring her pain,
inhaling her deeply,
She seeps into my soul,
and warms up my very core
I exhale and she
dissolves into thin air
 
 
Sitting,
brooding and contemplating,
issues, concerns and griefs
Jotting down thoughts and emotions,
penning down the love and the loss
Adding yet another word to words,
creating a reflection of my thoughts
 
 
Without any objections,
or interruptions
Even though burning up,
she stays by my side
Till her last breath,
dying for me,
many a times each moment
several times each day;
 
 
No doubt…
She is indeed my most trusted friend,
mirroring my thoughts,
one thought at a time…
Strange bond,
this love of ours…
 
 

“You Will Leave One Day”

“You Will Leave One Day”
 

You will leave one day,
leaving behind only pain and hurt
Hollowness and emptiness,
the meaningless passage of time
Clueless but mindful,
of the boat missed
 
 

Sailing off and taking away,
my joys, my laughs and my pride
My candle of light,
the wick pinched cruelly
Leaving me in darkness,
all sad, lonely and bitter
 
 

You will leave one day,
taking with you,
my spirit and my life
Gullible me… thinking,
I would get what I give
I would get what I deserve
Who said life was fair..!!
 
 

You will leave one day,
And so will I…
But only when,
the heart falls silent;
and no heart left to beat..!!
 
 

“Abandoning Myself”

“Abandoning Myself”
 
The walls are tumbling,
and my heart is crumbling,
down and down so low
I feel suffocation,
love has gone missing,
and my soul
has abandoned itself
 
 
I just feel like leaving,
hitting the road,
in a car I can’t afford,
following a plan i don’t have
Doesn’t matter when,
doesn’t matter where
Up North or due South,
but I surely gotta leave,
even for nowhere
 
 
Nothing left here for me,
but broken pieces,
of a soul once alive
and a heart once happy
 
 
 
 

“Perfection”

“Perfection”
 
Everybody is out,
looking and searching,
for someone,

who is perfect,
in each and every way
 
 
Keep looking, my Friend,
like a dog chasing it’s tail
Just pure exhaustion,
and a spiral without end
 
 
Perfection,
not only a strange word,
also pure myth
Cause nothing is perfect
Not even the moon,
having its own imperfections
 
 
The beauty of imperfection,
it makes things special
Special trumps perfect,
anytime…anywhere…
 
 
One person’s “special”,
is that person’s “perfect”
 
 
And You my Friend,
you just have to believe in me,
like I do, in You
 
 
You my Dear,
are “special” to me,
making You perfect..!!
 
 
 

“The Silent Ignorance”

“The Silent Ignorance”

 

Like a hanging icicle,
of clear ice,
frozen in time
Happy in my silent ignorance,
until touched by You

   

Now melting away,
Drop by drop,
into nothing,
for nothing

   

Slowly and painfully,
into nothing,
for nothing
While thinking fondly,
and longing
For the silent ignorance

   

“The Universal Conundrum”

“The Universal Conundrum”

Sometimes, people go silent,
by choice and also by compulsion

 

On me being silent,
She said…

“I won’t talk to You ever…Go!”

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
to ask Herself… Why?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
what I was feeling…and why?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
that I might just be in pain…
my soul writhing in agony?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
that I might just be sad…
my senses engulfed by shadows?

 

For Her forgetting my birthday,
or simply ignoring it
As if it doesn’t matter,
not even a simple “Happy Birthday”

 

Neither a wish from the heart,
nor just a happy thought;
not even a fake smiley

 

For Her forgetting my special dates,
My dated days,
of special events
Both happiness and sadness,
on small gains and special losses

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
how much I love her?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
how much I hate her?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
that she means everything to me?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
that I would do anything for Her?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
that I can’t “Go”,
no matter what?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
where would I go and Why….
when She is Here?

 

Sadly…

All of this never occurred to Her
But I do wonder,
how easily She said…

“I won’t talk to You ever…Go!”

 

I never thought,

I meant so little
Or had such menial existence,
almost no impact and importance,
upon Her life

 

And the word “Go”,
cruel and an icicle so sharp,
the pure torture,
is killing me

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
that she was to be blamed
Wholely and solely…
for all that?

 

Did it ever occur to Her,
that I too was a part of this friendship?

 

That I have feelings too?
Don’t I get to have a say too?

 

Or is it ONLY Her…
whose opinion matters?

 

I wish she knew,
all my protests and all my complaints

I wish she knew,
all my sadness and all my anger

I wish she knew,
all my screams and all my cries

I wish she knew,
all my pains and all my losses

I wish she knew,
all my wins and all my longings

I wish she knew,
all my emotions and all my desires

I wish she knew,
that all my love and all that I have
was for her happiness alone

And in the end,

All of it boils down to my silence

‘Cause that is all,
She had ever allowed
And I ever had in my hand…

 

Cause no words,
would ever be enough,
either dignify or define
All the things I ever wanted to say
and all my explanations
on what She is to me

 

I so hate Her…
I could hug and kiss Her,
to death!

 

I admit,
between us, there is no need,
for apologies and gratitude

 

But still, at times,
we could both be right
And we could both be wrong

 

I wish She knew,
in friendships like ours,
in special bonds like ours,
It’s not necessarily,
always about Her

 

I wish She could see,

Sometimes,
even just for once,
or twice or thrice,
in a whole year,
I so need Her too

 

I wish She could realize,

once in a while,
I need Her,
to be there for ME!

“A Rainbow without Colours”

“A Rainbow without Colours”

Sad was life,
with constant dark clouds
Until one day,
she appeared out of nowhere,
A rainbow… filled with colors,
smiles and laughs
Full of life,
holding out an olive branch
Calling my name,
like I was the only man
and she, the only woman

 

Like a dying man’s last hope,
I leaped at the rope,
as if it was faith
I hugged it tight,
letting in moments of joy
O’ dear life…..
Dare I dream again..??

 

Eventhough merely, sprinkled my way
Like sparkling salt,
by the rainbow of life
I savored every droplet of color,
cherished every moment of joy
Her laughs, her smiles
Inhaled her as deep as I could
Taking in her presence
Every moment, so complete…
With nothing else left to desire

 

But little did I know,
it was all a mirage
What else would a thirsty fool see..??

 

Not for taste, or for touch,
the rainbow was only mine to see
It was real, alright,
but the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow,
was never really there, for me..!!

“My heaven on Earth”

“My heaven on Earth”

For You are the Heaven on earth that I always Wished for…
and now Long for…
Look for…
Smile for…
Write for…

 

The highest unattainable happiness
that my soul craves for…

 

Seeing into Your eyes…
Holding in my hands…
Your face….
Planting a kiss on your forehead…
Your smile… Your laughter…

 

Saying it out loud…
The sound of Your name…

As long as I live…

I will live…
and I will die…
For the sound of your feet,
Coming to me,
never to leave again.

“An Autumn Soul”

“An Autumn Soul”

Like a tree in Fall,
shedding its leaves
According to the season,
I wish,
I could shed my memories

 

But looking at a tree,
having shed it’s leaves
Dying second by second,
piece by piece,
I lose my resolve;
As it still looks sad,
By each falling leaf…

 

Nevertheless…
Each memory,
is a cause for celebration…

If You ever come looking for me…
You will find me dancing
Carelessly at the mercy of the wind…

 

Cause… my Love,
to me,
Neither love was ever a season,
nor am I…

 

 

 

“The Path… Now Abandoned”

“The Path Now Abandoned”

 

I never saw the beauty
in the boring and worn out,
dry hardened soil
Making up the pathway
to my humble abode

 

Lately I have noticed,
grass growing,
on the narrow path taken
free of the terror of the visiting steps

 

I never knew,
the beauty of a few leaves of grass,
could be this saddening..!!

“My Beloved Nemesis”

 

“My Beloved Nemesis”

 

She showed me Her soul,

I exposed to Her… mine,

 

 

After all this,

going back to becoming strangers

Just isn’t possible anymore

At least not for a simpleton like me.

 

 

With the least bit of attention

She does nothing,

but tears me apart… emotionally.

 

 

Acting all ignorant,

to my existence and reality

I am emptying up from within,

with soon, nothing left to give..!!

 

 

“The Anatomy Of Pain”

“The Anatomy Of Pain”

Love is a strange phenomenon;

a bittersweet paradox of life

Made to share,
with that special someone

 

But beware!
Along with happiness,
there comes an end

 

Raising its ugly head;
unexpected, unforeseen
and abrupt

 

And that my Dear,
can never be shared

Pain is not a piece of prose
to be written and sent to You

It is neither a scar or mirror,
that I can show

Nor it is a story,
that I can share and tell

My pain is “so to say”…

Mine alone..!!

 

Honey…
You still want to know it all??
“For What & Why”…

I wonder…

 

It being an open secret…
Everything can be shared,
But pain…

 

Pain is rather something,
that can be seen or read,
within the lines on my face

 

Or it might at times,
in private…
trickle down my cheeks

“Absent-Hearted”

6bb8e44427dfd94b5569bee9bd91eff6--colour-splash-color-pop3522512162913018078.jpg

“Absent-Hearted”

 

I walked through life…
lost…
Lost in my own thoughts,
with not a care in the world;
or bothered
of 
what was happening

 
 

Preoccupied by nothingness,
totally oblivious and unscathed,
to the passage of time
Absolutely unconcerned,
of my immediate surroundings
Yes, I lived life -absent-mindedly

 
 

Then I met You
A blessing or a curse?
is yet to be determined
All depending,
whether the mind wins,
or this foolish heart of mine..!!

 
 

Today I am scared of myself
Of losing my empathy;
of becoming unable to love truly
Of abandoning my friends;
turning into an introvert
Not even able to love my self

 
 

Hell is nothing,
compared to an empty heart;
With the pockets of my soul,
turned inside out
Empty, with nothing left to offer

 
 

Neither happy nor sad,
but plain empty
I think you left me…
Absent-hearted..!!

 
 
 
 


Picture credits:
Colors | Black
by Leticia M.

“ہائے دل… یہ پاگل دِل میرا”

IMG-20180619-WA0000

“ہائے دل… یہ پاگل دِل میرا”

 

بلاجھجک اڑاؤ مذاق میرے دل کا۔
اس میں جو خواب پنپتے ہیں
اس میں جو جذبات پلتے ہیں
کون کرے قدر ان سب کی
کون سنے پکار ان سب کی

 

تن تنہا، بجھا ہوا، ٹوٹا ہوا
پھر بھی دیوانہ وار
تیری یادوں میں ڈوبا ہوا
تیری چاہت میں جکڑا ہوا

 

ہائے دِل… یہ پاگل دِل میرا۔۔۔

 

کرے یہ تیری جستجو کیونکر؟
کیوں یہ اپنی اوقات بھولے ہے۔۔؟؟

 

“Love & War”

“Love & War”

Becoming impassive
is not the worst experience;
rather the impassibility
of thy impassiveness
Oh the insensitivity!
chilling my bones;

 

Without hope,
life becomes bleak
Must hope be buried,
and love abandoned??

 

Make no mistake,
love is indeed a war…
And war an education,
with small battles;
all along the way;
every single day…!!

 

I hear…
everything is fair,
in love and war
But to what avail…
I wonder..!!

 

 


Picture Credits:

“Love And War”
by Sarah Rachel

“The Price You Pay”

“The Price You Pay”

Putting myself in her hands…
I opened up to her,
like an old snail,
coming out of a rusty shell

 

Letting Her Play,
in the deserted playground,
of my bleached monochrome soul.

 

She painted innocently and with bright smiles,
lacing it with hopes, wishes and dreams

 

O’ indeed she became,
my early spring, my Indian summer,
my morning, day and night

 

Hoping that she would erase
all my sadness…
like a rain shower
On desert sand

 

I let her become my All…

Alas, I never should have

 

I feel shattered,
into a million pieces
Nothing is what it seems
and nothing is as desired

 

Misplaced were my claims,
her sweet smiles were fickle
Her warm touch was borrowed,
her words, her emotions,
illusions at best

 

Mirage of an oasis,
that left me parched,
craving for a sweet drop
Of her soul…

 

As she chose,
her false sense of obligation
over a love that is still true

 

Losing my soul
to false pretences,
Robbed of the faith,
I had in her
A heavy price I paid,
to Cupid; “The Mugger “
for loving Her..!!

 

 

“I Am Fine”

Abstract Paintings Archives - Cianelli Studios Art Blog

“I Am Fine”

Innocently she asks me…
“How are You..??”

How can I tell her…??

 

How can I tell her…
How I drowned;
and was swept away in sorrow
In a dead river stream
of my own tears

 

How can I tell her…
How I feel the cold steel,
piercing my body
Stabbed in the back,
by my closest and dearest

 

How can I tell her…
How my heart feels
It was cracked apart,
cruelly and deliberately;

 

Intricately planned
Every thought, wish and emotion,
demolished to rubble

 

How can I tell her,
How I faced the morbid black rain,
of spiteful words

Heart-piercing shards of cold tone,
assassinating my soul

 

How can I tell her…
What truly happened..??

So I just choose to say:

Nothing happened My Dearest
I am fine…
I am fine…

I am… just about fine!!

 

 


Picture Credits:

Abstract Paintings Archives
– Cianelli Studios Art Blog

“The Mask of Light covering the Darkness”


“The Mask of Light covering the Darkness”

Faces – beautiful and exquisite,
uniquely carved, chip by chip

 

Add to the lethal mix,
a pair of captivating eyes,
and breathtaking uncountable smiles

 

Mastering a vocabulary so vast,
conveying everything…

 

Yet not a word,
crossing her soft luscious lips
Perhaps even poisonous,
yet kissable to perfection

 

But no matter
how pretty the face…

 

Nothing but a mask,
and the real face
only making special appearances…

 

When nature sets in,
showing true colors

 

Makes me wonder…
what to look for,
and what to believe;


The face… Aaaah the face,
or the nature hidden therein…

 

“Walking In The Emptiness Called Time”

handsfree clock

“Walking In The Emptiness Called Time”

Time in essence,
in its passage and duration;
is a relative perception

 

Feels unbearably longer,
feels slow, not progressing,
frozen in place, moments and junctures

 

Emotions, feelings, and wishes,
never faded, nor jaded

 

Every breath taken,
feels painful – a never-ending torture

 

Excruciating in a continuum,
sad, colorless and odorless

 

Dark thoughts and once happy memories,
without Your presence,
without You

 

Alone and empty-handed,
in no special direction
I find myself,

Still walking..!!

“جب گھر سے تم نکلتی ہو۔۔۔”

 

“جب گھر سے تم نکلتی ہو۔۔۔”

تم بیٹی ہو کسی کی
کسی کی بہن
کسی کی اَبرُو ہو تم
گھر سے تم نکلتی ہو جب
اسکول’و کالج کے لیے
ساتھ میں خواب ، دعائیں
والدین کی نیک تمنا
سب ارمان لیے۔۔۔

 

گھر سے تم نکلتی ہو جب
سَر اٹھاۓ ، بال ڈھکے
نظریں مسکراتی پر جھکی ہوئیں
پہنچتی ہو درسگاہ
عزت کی دیوی بن کر

 

پِھر اللہ جانے
تم کو ہوتا کیا ہے
کلاس ہو یا کینٹین
لائبریری ہو ، یا ہو کوئی باغیچہ
بھول جاتی ہو
گھر سے تم نکلیں تھیں جب
کے تم کون ہو
اور کس کی کیا ہو تم

 

شُتَر بیمہار ، منه اٹھائے
چہرہ رنگوں سے سجاۓ
دوپٹہ گلے میں لٹکاۓ
زلفیں ہوا میں لہراتیں ہوئیں
لیے چلتا ہے اک اجنبی
محبت کا دلاسا دے کر
باعزت لے جاتا ہے

بے عزت کرنے کے لیۓ

 

ہائے۔۔۔ صد افسوس
چھن چُکی شان بے نیازی تیری
مانگتی پھرو اب
اپنا غرور اُس سے
ہائے۔۔۔ صد افسوس

 

لٹی ہوئیں ، اجڑی ہوئیں
گھر کو تم لؤٹتی ہو جب
سَر جھکائے ، بال ڈھکے
نظریں نم اور شکستہ
عزت کی لٹی ہوئی داستان بن کر

 

آہ! او حوّا کی بیٹی
ذرا ٹھہرو٬ ذرا سوچو
تجھے ہُوا کیا ہے
آخر اِس ذلت کی
اتنی آرزو ، اتنی تمنا کیوں ہے 

تم بیٹی ہو کسی کی۔۔۔
کسی کی بہن
کسی کی آبرُو ہو تم۔۔۔

اپنی قدر آپ کرو
…اور قدر کرواؤ

یہ وسوسے، یہ اُداسیاں
عمر کے ساتھ ساتھ
بڑھتا احساسِ تنہائی
یہ جوانی
اور اس کے عذاب
یہ مشکلوں کے فقط چار دن ہیں

گزار لو ، عزت سے
جیو ، سَر اُٹھا کے
چلو ، سَر اُٹھا کے

جب گھر سے تم نکلتی ہو۔۔۔
جب گھر سے تم نکلتی ہو۔۔۔

 

تم بیٹی ہو کسی کی۔۔۔
کسی کی بہن
کسی کی آبرُو ہو تم۔۔۔

پر سب سے پہلے۔۔۔
اپنے آپ میں۔۔۔
اپنی اگلی پیڑھی کی۔۔۔

مکمّل درسگاہ ہو تم۔۔۔

اپنے آپ میں۔۔۔
انمول
ایک خزانہ
ایک مکمّل عورت ہو تم

جب گھر سے تم نکلتی ہو۔۔۔
جب گھر سے تم نکلتی ہو۔۔۔

 

 

 

 

“Forever And Always”

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“Forever And Always”

Blame me,
Blame me all you want!
Blame me for the fog,
or the lack of rain
Blame me for the sunless days,
or too much of pain

 

Blame me for a lack of interest,
or accuse me of negligence
Blame me for the carelessness,
or accuse me for a lack of penitence

 

Neglecting your feelings and emotions,
not repenting, not caring for You

Blame me all you want
Accuse me all you want

But listen to me my love
as if your life depends on it

No matter where life takes me
My happiness is strangely entwined with yours;
My existence too…

 

I am trying, I am trying my best,
I am ready, ready for any test
But listen to me my love
as if your life depends on it

That I am here for you,
forever and always…!!!

“Life Is A Journey”

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“Life Is A Journey”

Life is a journey,
made up of smaller journeys
Longer and tiresome for some;
shorter and easier for others

 

Spanning over time,
some involuntarily;
decided by fate

 

While others;
on the choices made
and decisions taken

 

Indeed,
I have been to places
Even the devil dares not go

 

Now back again,
dragging my feet
along the designated path of life
With a blistered heart,
and a stabbed soul
I wonder still on the way,
What good a fork would do?

 

Barely standing on
the daily treadmill of life
Same routine, places and people,
wishes, wants and stale surprises;
lacking sparkle and luster

 

I realize:

I never re-connected
I wish I knew,
if I am back or not

If not……
then where am I?

 

In spite of all the time passed;
and all the distance covered
Still on the treadmill,
running a course called life

 
 
 
 

“Bird”

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“Bird”

Once a bird soaring high,
in all its pride and majesty
A flight… fearless,
careless and care free

Now reduced to a single feather
left to the mercy,
of the unforgiving winds
Blown around, to and fro,
by the winds of time

Good and bad…

“You: My High; My Low”

“You: My High; My Low”

You are my high;
you are my low…
what should I make of You?
I honestly don’t know

 
 

In Your presence…
I saw colours;
borrowed from rainbows
I saw your smiles,
flying for miles
Making me soar the skies;

 

Seeing You…

finally in full bloom
I saw nature;

 
 

But now I can’t anymore…
What’s happening?

 
 

Am I going blind?
Am I going deaf?
Am I going cold?
Am I losing my mind?

 
 

I lost my sight,
I lost my speech
Within my heart,
I sense a breach

 
 

After all that is done..
All said & felt

 
 

All I have to show for…
And all that is left…

 

Stale emotions and
freshly brewed excuses
And a lifetime of regret

 
 
 
 

“On Borrowed Time”

“On Borrowed Time”

On borrowed time,
one walks through life
Borrowing parents;
and siblings for starters….
Later came toys,
books and what not
 
 
Post puberty,
borrowed moments,
of companionship
Stolen glances
and hidden flying kisses;
 
 
walking her home
Sharing candies and
telling jokes,
returning her smiles,
like God’s sweetest angel
 
 
Simple uncomplicated times
Nonetheless… all borrowed;
 
 
Then comes the time,
when one becomes of age
Hormones and emotions,
all confused and on the loose
 
 
April is cute, May has humour;
and June is just wild and shifty,
like a summer dune
 
 
Should I choose April, May or June?
Each playing their own
Unique love tune
 
 
Cute is a safe bet,
so April was first
Life feeling like playtime,
it was certainly “May time”..!!
 
 
But after a while, life felt tame,
I truly needed a real dame
Wild at heart, with a fire inside
So I knew, it had to be June
 
 
But then out of the blue,
it couldn’t be true…
 
 
There…
Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter,
all in one
Ahhh…. Fate or was it plain Faith..??
 
 
But how long can you tame the fire?
Needs of a wild heart are so very dire
Time and emotions both fall short,
Leaving or staying, nothing can thwart
left with no options and angered talk;
you either stay or you simply walk
 
 
Time passes and so the story goes
Borrowed was all,
joys and woes.
But the memories remain
Full of nostalgia,
and too much pain.

Everything was borrowed
or temporarily stolen
Except…. Memories…
 
 
Looking back,
Standing alone…
You truly now know
only the memories…
Are thine to keep
 
 
 
 

“The Small Deaths Of Life”

Small deaths of life

“The Small Deaths Of Life”

Death is not a one-time thing

Even though it is said…..
“One lives, with death awaiting”.


Take life,
thinking of it…
consists of several deaths,
suffered, endured and experienced


Going through life,
each little hurt and
each pang of pain,
Each emotional loss;
and all the cruel goodbyes

One lives a little;
one dies a little


These “smaller” deaths,
Should these be called life?
Or should these be called death??


Life… beautiful and enchanting,
yet an imperfect bride
Death… brutal and beastly,
yet an honest groom


A union of convenience;
Together, from start till end
A union dissolved only,
by the very last breath


Some quick, over in a moment,
some slow, and others even slower
But the slowest of them all;
and the very worst of them all…

When one dies…
Out of love…!!

“I Don’t Need A Reason To Love You Anymore”

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“I Don’t Need A Reason To Love You Anymore”

Love is a strange bird,
it flies and soars;
beyond the limits of imagination
It is blissfully blind,
yet cruel too

 

Love is a conundrum;
and it turns into a paradox
As You need a reason to hate me,
while I…
don’t even need a reason,
to love You anymore

 
 
 


Photo Credit:

• “Color in Concert”
by Timothy M. Parker…

[ P.S.: Who needs a reason for love when You feel a concert of colors all around You, in Her presence… I wonder..!! ]

“My Last Sunset”

“My Last Sunset”

 

Her eyes so honest,
her smile so true
Her sweet good mornings,
my reason to get up;
no matter the season
Oh Yeah…
She is my sunrise…

 
 

I feel her presence,
in my heart and soul
And all day long,
I am warm and cozy
Wrapped in a blanket,
of joy and affection;
feeling all rosy…..
Oh Yeah…
She is my sunshine…

 
 

The darkest, coldest and
the worst of all days…
Feels like morning dew,
facing the sun,
simply fading away
All my worries and fears,
feel like stars lining the milky way
Oh Yeah…
She is my sunset too

My last sunset

 

“You are my Kashmir”

“You are my Kashmir”

 

Hiking up and down God’s nature,
Aimless destination
And nowhere to be…
Taking it all in…
Ah, indeed, it is Kashmir!
Yet, I think of You..
O dearest,
The Nature reminds me of thee…!

 
 
 

You are the prettiest of blooms,
Lending this universe your pleasant fragrance.
A heart, as soft as a whorl of petals.
Most fragile and delicate
There could ever be.

 
 
 

Your soul and body…
A landscape of wild,
undisturbed network
Of paths, curves and valleys;
Undiscovered.
Soft green moss
Growing above hidden away caves;
Dewy and delicate,
As sinuous as Nature, itself.

 
 
 

The velvety touch,
Of your skin,
Beneath my hands;
Garbed by the most fetching and lush green vines.
With wild entanglements,
Of elaborate patterns,
like henna dyed hands.

 
 
 

Your wild emotional twines,
Embrace me with tenderness,
sincerity and poise.
Like a canopy of the forest,
Shielding me from all worldly harm,
Nurturing me in the blessed rain,
of your smiles, love and warmth.

 
 
 

O Kashmir…
I, forever… want to bask
In the comfort
of your feminine shade…!

 
 
 

“Reflections [August 2015]”

“Reflections [August 2015]”

Marcel Proust said it so elegantly and simply, “It is our imagination that is responsible for love, not the other person”.

Continue reading

“Melancholia”

“Melancholia”

 

I wonder if She knows,
men deal with heartbreaks too…

 
 

My pillow wets not from tears,
But the feathers inside shrink,
From all the warmth of the night long sighs,
trying to cry but failing miserably…
After all, I am a man..!!

 
 

I don’t close my eyes,
replaying all the good memories.
Instead, the dark nights’ pass,
staring at the slowly rotating fan,
contemplating what went wrong.
She never told me the ‘Why’..!!
Can’t ask her,
trying to figure it out myself…
After all, I am a man..!!

 
 

I don’t reach for the ice-cream tub,
eating and regretting,
sulking all night long in my pajamas.
Instead, I run in vain… to nowhere.
Lifting weights and doing bench presses,
torturing my body senseless.
Killing my regular appetite,
just to punish myself…
After all, I am a man..!!

 
 

I, perhaps, never remembered
dates and days.
but I never forgot her words.
Same words playing in a loop,
in my head,
walking, working or working out.
The loop is brought to a halt by silence.
That’s when regret takes over,
me suffering in silence…
After all, I am a man..!!

 
 

I don’t want to give love a second chance,
I just need someone…
someone to tell me,
‘it’s all going to be okay’.
Someone to tell me,
‘it’s okay to grieve’.
The silence and regrets,
might drive me insane,
or become inhuman even.
But I have to be stoic…
After all, I am a man..!!

 
 

I hide my sorrow and pain,
not even telling my best friend.
Not a word about heartbreaks,
not because I don’t trust my bestie.
but ’cause, I just ain’t programmed
to share emotional losses.
So I grieve in isolation, at least for the start.
After all, I am a man..!!

 
 

I wonder a lot of things,
when I think about it.
But what I wonder the most is,
if She knows…
that men too have a hard time,
dealing with heartbreak.
Men too, Darling…
Men too..!!

 
 
 


[Picture Credits:
Melancholy, 1894 by Edvard Munch]

 

“The Unanswered Questions”

Unanswered Questions

“The Unanswered Questions”

Where life has brought me?
What turn or path it is?
I just do not know.
Where I am anymore?

 

Flowers I see everywhere,
but feeling the pricking of thorns
Faces all feel unfamiliar,
strangers and friends alike
especially the One I seek.

What does anything mean?
What does anything matter?

 

Neither near, nor far,
neither wish, nor want
No trace of love,
nor the heart ajar

 

Everything is just bizarre
Feels like death,
a thousand times over

 

Am I alive?
Yes ’cause I just can’t die
Am I dead?
Yes ’cause I can’t live either

 

I wouldn’t be able to tell Her,
if She would even listen
And if I did tell Her,
is She even listening…

 

Insomniac
And yet not even fully awake.
My mind is mostly in a haze.
As if going through
A punishment,
I wake up to another day;
Again.

 

 

 

“The Rites Of Passage”

“The Rites Of Passage”

Tied to a slab,
her hands by the sides;
and legs spread wide
In a dim-lit room,
the little girl stares;
with fear in her eyes
Tears rolling down her cheeks,
she looks up at the woman;
standing beside her,
holding her hand.
The woman…
supposedly her safe haven
‘Mama,’ the little girl pleads,
to her angel of mercy
The figure called ‘Mother’,
untouched and unmoved,
by her shrieks and screaming pleas
“Now now girl!
It will be over soon,
it will be fine
You’ll be a woman soon,”

 

Witnessing a procedure,
on her most precious treasure
A procedure,
that has no reason or logic
Gruesomely appalling;
mutilating a woman
to make her a woman

 

 

[A piece on “FGM”]
(Female Genitial Mutilation)

“Survival Instinct”

“Survival Instinct”

Our enemies defeat us not,
as much as our friends do
Priorities and desires change;
liking, affections, and affiliations too;
while human nature prevails

 

Change is imminent – that’s for sure
Survival is the game;
nothing else matters
Life corrupts the best of us,
in the pursuit of true happiness;
and the illusion of immortality;
Self-preservation of the “I”,
at its best…

 

Without reason or rhyme,
saying words so barren
Parched by the flames of hell,
doling out the Siberian frost;
chilling the soul to the bone
An aloofness and silence,
touched by death;
left sitting in a tomb of emotions

 

Why this treatment..??
One wonders..!!

 

We become monsters,
leaving the once cherished and valued ones… behind,
They become part of a forgotten past,
like they never mattered.
Did they really ever..??

 

This life will end, my Dear…
no matter everlasting happiness
or the never-ending pain;
we are not meant to live forever

 

And yet,
death is not absolute
It never is…

 

 

“C’est la vie”

“C’est la vie”

When sweetness is ill perceived,
And affection a burden
When goodness is seen as weakness
And kindness expressed intolerable,
Emotions met with sheer coldness
And utter disregard…

 

When caring words fall upon deaf ears…
How could silence be heard…
How could absence have a say…
When presence matters nay.
In spite of common decency,
But the heart turned off…
Such works the minds,
Of people closest
What else can I say..??

 

Day in and day out,
Breathing in shattered emotions…
Breathing out pain..
Of a cold shoulder
And hurt feelings…

 

With a smile worn on my face,
Silently I feel broken glass
Creeping under my skin…
C’est la vie, apparently..!!

 

“کبھی سوچتا ہوں”

“کبھی سوچتا ہوں”

کبھی سوچتا ہوں

یوں ہی اکثر، چلتے چلتے

کیوں قدم تھم سے جاتے ہیں

کبھی سوچتا ہوں

کتنا تہہ ہو چکا ہوں

اور باقی رہ گیا ہوں کتنا

کبھی سوچتا ہوں

کتنا چل چکا ہوں

پِھر بھی وہیں کھڑا ہوں

کبھی سوچتا ہوں

یہ کیا سفر ہے دوستو

میں کہاں جا رہا ہوں

اب بھی یوں ہی اکثر

بیٹھے بیٹھے سوچتا ہوں

ہم جہاں بھی ہیں

ہمارا سب سے بڑا دشمن

وقت ہے

وقت دوبارہ آتا نہیں

اور زندگی ایک بار ملتی ہے

زندگی صرف ایک بار ملتی ہے

باقی لگی رہتی ہے

کھینچا تانی

قسمت اور نصیب کی

خوشی اور غم کی

وصل اور بچھڑنے کی

کبھی مسکراہٹ ، کبھی آنسو

وہی کوچے ، وہی گلیاں

جو کبھی زلفوں کا سایہ

اور کبھی تپتی دھوپ کا صحرا

بس کٹ جاتی ہے زندگی

کبھی ہنستے ہنستے

کبھی روتے روتے

کبھی سوچتا ہوں

سرخ دھاگے میں پروئی ہوئیں

یہ قسمت اور نصیب کی

چمکتی لڑیاں

کس کا شاہکار ہیں

کس کی چال

کس کی بچھائ ہوئی بساط ہے

کسوٹی کیا ہے

صرف اک بات جانتا ہوں

جب وقت اپنی آئ پر آ جائے

تو “ہم” نہیں

فقط “میں” رہ جاتا ہے

اور یہ آخری سفر

ہر”میں” نے خود ہی کرنا ہے

تن تنہا اور خالی ہاتھ

“For Whom The Bells Toll”

For Whom The Bells Toll

With all the hype
of the new year ringing in
No worries, My Dear
Don’t fret
It’s just a number
ascending yet counting down
Life ebbing away
with Your absence
No need to ask
for whom the bell tolls;
For sure,
it tolls for Me…

[“For Whom The Bells Toll”… rawnaK]

“Songs of a lost summer”

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“Songs of a lost summer”

Blinded in love,
ignorant of the present
Never saw it coming,
but felt the change of seasons
Latently… a long time ago,
creeping in silently
With moods and priorities changing,
the smilies of affection… gone
The marathon conversations,
turned into monosyllabic answers
The instant replies… gone
My Summer skipping Autumn,
being my Fall,
Winter stepped in,
announcing the cold front.
And now I remain,
frozen in time…
Without any goodbyes,
All hopes of a lifelong summer…
Gone… Long gone..!!

“Ocean of silence”

“Ocean of silence”

Oceans apart and miles away,
dwelling in memories
Behind closed eyes,
we stare at each other
With an ocean of silence,
raging between us.


Placid faces
And harnessed emotions,
whipped by the tides
of circumstances.
Delusional ignorance,
hiding the storm beneath,
The ocean of silence.

“O’life… You and I”

“O’life… You and I”

O’life… You and I,
Why are we..?
Old rusty railway tracks,
in a journey together
Running parallel,
side by side

O’life… You and I,
laid on a bed
of grieving stones
Connected by grey ties
of melancholy
Yet never meeting,
never touching

O’life… You and I,
seeing, feeling, talking…
from this close,
yet so far
Emotionally out of sync,
eyes teary and vision blurred
Unclear mumblings and
unfinished conversations
Broken dreams and dying wishes

O’life… You and I,
bearing the hefty burden,
of a lifetime spent,
on borrowed happiness
Weight of a kingdom,
of pain and sorrows,
in chilling complete darkness

O’life… You and I,
Just to get by,
side by side
These numbered moments,
and pre-determined breaths
Yet, never coming together,
or crossing over
Nor knowing…

O’life, pray tell me…
Before my last breath,
Come talk to me sometime..!!

[“O’life… You and I”… rawnaK]

“بہنے دو۔۔۔”

“بہنے دو۔۔۔”

کیا پوچھتے ہو۔۔۔
چھوڑو، جانے دو
کیا، کب اور کیسے۔۔۔
سوالات چھوڑو، رہنے دو
مرض پُرانا ہے
درد کی لہر نئی۔۔۔
موج نئی
بہنے دو۔۔۔

کیا پوچھتے ہو۔۔۔
کہاں کھویا ہوں
چھوڑو، جانے دو
کیا سوچتا ہوں
تُکے چھوڑو، رہنے دو
مرض پُرانا ہے
درد کی لہر نئی۔۔۔
سوچ کی موج وہی
بہنے دو۔۔۔

تُم خوش ہو، اچھا ہے۔۔۔
باقی باتیں بےمعنی ہیں
دکھڑے چھوڑو، جانے دو
میری مانو، میں خوش ہوں
شکوک چھوڑو، رہنے دو
مرض پُرانا ہے
خوشی کی لہر نئی۔۔۔
موج نئی
بہنے دو۔۔۔

[“بہنے دو۔۔”… rawnaK]

“Cold Words”

“Cold Words”

The more things get easier
Accessible,
And distances shorter,
Humanity moves apart.

Once we had a cold war;
Today, merely a cold world.
Beauty of life; diminished.
The art of communication; Gone.

No need for preparations or efforts,
No need for pen, paper or stamps…
For, now, we are constantly at war.

A media war; socially.
A war
Of words.
Hateful ones
Empty at best.
Emotionally barren,
Open lies
Blatant disregard of morality,
And values long gone.

Press enter…
And the damage is done.
Done in obscene silence,
And pure cruelty.
Not a ripple is visible
Of the cause and effect
On the soul or broken heart
Of the recipient.
Of the lashes of the words.
Pain of the sender,
Numbness of the recipient.

[“Cold Words”… rawnaK]